He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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