I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
