Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
