im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
