Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
