Moan for me like Helen Keller
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
