If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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