you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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