I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
