I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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