sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
