U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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