ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
