I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
