I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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