I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
