How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
