i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
