ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
