I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
