So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
