He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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