to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
