y did u give ur computer a hand job?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
