took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
