You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
