If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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