He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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