Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
