I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
