I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
