Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
