If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
