I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Where is the hickey?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
