Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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