just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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