shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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