her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
