So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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