make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
