you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
