This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I stole a fireplace last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
