we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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