1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
