just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
