We're facebook friends in real life
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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