ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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