I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
