i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
