There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
