I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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