Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
