eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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