I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
