she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
