I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
